I wish I'd written this

2009-06-24T08:34:17Z

But I totally stole it off another site. It's rather long.

Scourge Chat Log

***User “theLichKing” has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Hey

[theLichKing]: Anyone there?

[theLichKing]: *drums fingers*

***User “Kel’Thuz4d” has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Hey man.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: my liege

[theLichKing]: Listen, there’s this thing I need you to do for me

[Kel'Thuz4d]: anything my liege

[Kel'Thuz4d]: what army must i lay to waste

[Kel'Thuz4d]: whose lands shall i decimate for ur glory

[theLichKing]: Um, yeah, I’m good on decimation for today. We’re going to hold off on the decimation for, like, a week or so.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ok?

[theLichKing]: I was thinking. How much trouble do you think it would be to have a thermostat installed in the Throne Room?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: …

[Kel'Thuz4d]: y?

[theLichKing]: It’s really really cold in here.

[theLichKing]: I’m Lord of the Scourge. I think I should get a thermostat.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: no its a frozen throne

[theLichKing]: Right

[theLichKing]: See that’s exactly what I’m talking about. The throne is frozen. The chair that I sit on all day? Literally a block of ice.

[theLichKing]: It is so very, very cold.

[theLichKing]: I actually cannot over-emphasize how cold I am on a daily basis.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: but its supposed to be frozen

[Kel'Thuz4d]: its the source of ur power

[theLichKing]: About that. Can I get my power transferred to some other source?

[theLichKing]: Something that isn’t made out of ice that I then have to literally sit on?

[theLichKing]: Someone dropped the ball there.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ok so like what should it be then

[Kel'Thuz4d]: like a ring?

[theLichKing]: A ring?

[theLichKing]: Seriously, a ring.

[theLichKing]: Do you _read_ history?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: so what then

[theLichKing]: I don’t know. I’ll think about it. Maybe an armoire.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: armor?

[theLichKing]: No, not armor. An armoire. The furniture.

[theLichKing]: Oh but speaking of armor

[theLichKing]: I have skulls on my kneecaps.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ok?

[theLichKing]: No, it is _not_ okay.

[theLichKing]: I have skulls.

[theLichKing]: On my _kneecaps_.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: well for the thermostat i think u need approval from a supervisor

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ill just get kiljaeden in here and well sort it out

[theLichKing]: No!

[Kel'Thuz4d]: no its cool

[theLichKing]: No, don’t…

[theLichKing]: Ugh, my old boss. I hate this guy.

[theLichKing]: Ok I’ll just…I’ll act casual. Like old times.

***User “Killzone’jaeden” has entered the chat.***

[Killzone'jaeden]: This had better be important.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: yeah lich king here just wants a warmer throne room is all

[Killzone'jaeden]: Warmer?

[theLichKing]: No it’s really not necessary sir

[Killzone'jaeden]: You want a warmer throne room?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: yeah

[theLichKing]: No

[Kel'Thuz4d]: yeah he does

[theLichKing]: I really don’t.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Ok sure let me just get right on that

[Killzone'jaeden]: I actually know these guys, they’re really great, literally made out of fire

[Killzone'jaeden]: They could heat your room right up for you

[Killzone'jaeden]: They’re called the Burning Legion…why don’t I just invite them to Azeroth so they can come and

[Killzone'jaeden]: OH WAIT

[Killzone'jaeden]: Someone’s too busy being Chatty Cathy to PREPARE HIS WORLD FOR AN APOCALYPSE

[theLichKing]: So sorry sir

[Killzone'jaeden]: Yeah, “sir,” that’s new

[Kel'Thuz4d]: hey cmon though its not like weve just been sitting around

[Kel'Thuz4d]: were spreading plague and stuff

[Kel'Thuz4d]: we totally spread a lot of plague

[Kel'Thuz4d]: and dont forget the spider war

[theLichKing]: Actually I wouldn’t mention that…

[Killzone'jaeden]: Oh yes. The “Spider War.”

[Killzone'jaeden]: The “war” where you spent ten years getting rid

[Killzone'jaeden]: OF SPIDERS

[Killzone'jaeden]: Check it out, I had a Mosquito War last night. Mosquito lands on me, I squish it. Done. Two seconds.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Didn’t take me ten years

[Killzone'jaeden]: BECAUSE I’M NOT AN IDIOT

[theLichKing]: Yes sir

[theLichKing]: Very sorry sir.

[theLichKing]: I’m on it.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Y’know what, you know who else might want to hear about this

[Killzone'jaeden]: Maybe I shold get Sargeras in here

[Kel'Thuz4d]: sure

[theLichKing]: NO! That’s not necessary

[Killzone'jaeden]: Hold on I’ll go get him.

***User “Killzone’jaeden” has left the chat.***

[theLichKing]: ARE YOU CRAZY

[theLichKing]: “Sure”? Do you know who Sargeras actually is??

[Kel'Thuz4d]: i think so hes alliance right

[theLichKing]: …

[Kel'Thuz4d]: horde?

[theLichKing]: *headdesk*

***User “An00b’arak” has entered the chat.***

[An00b'arak]: hay guise whats goin on in dis chat

[Kel'Thuz4d]: sup

[An00b'arak]: sup

[Kel'Thuz4d]: sup

[An00b'arak]: sup

[Kel'Thuz4d]: whaaaazzzzaaaaaap

[An00b'arak]: what are yoooooou doing

[theLichKing]: GUYS

[theLichKing]: SERIOUSLY

[An00b'arak]: whats his problem

[Kel'Thuz4d]: hes cold

[An00b'arak]: well yeah he sits on a frozen throne inside of icecrown glacier with a sword named frostmorn

[An00b'arak]: the name icecrown glacier can only imply that among glaciers, which are themselves made of ice, this one is especially icy

[An00b'arak]: its possible there is some coldness involved

[theLichKing]: _Thank_ you!

[theLichKing]: Ok, so install me a thermostat pl0x.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: uh boss ixnay on asking him to install stuff

[An00b'arak]: what is that supposed to mean??

[Kel'Thuz4d]: uh

[An00b'arak]: oh i get it

[An00b'arak]: bc im an arachnid?????

[An00b'arak]: and how could i possibly install a thermostat without thumbs

[An00b'arak]: racist

[Kel'Thuz4d]: no no no

[Kel'Thuz4d]: well ok yeah how would that actually work

[An00b'arak]: im sure i dont know…im just an arachnid

[An00b'arak]: guess what im not ashamed of what i am

[An00b'arak]: >8< spider pride

***User “An00b’arak” has left the chat.***

[Kel'Thuz4d]: thank god

***User “An00b’arak” has entered the chat.***

[Kel'Thuz4d]: oh god

[An00b'arak]: im lodging a formal protest

[An00b'arak]: i am going to let every1 know the scourge is not an equal opportunity employer

[An00b'arak]: and i am being discriminated against due to race

[An00b'arak]: and species

[An00b'arak]: and phylum

[theLichKing]: Ok, look, there’s no need to get upset

[An00b'arak]: omg

[An00b'arak]: dont apologize for him arthas

***User “Killzone’jaeden” has entered the chat.***

[Killzone'jaeden]: Sargeras is logging on now.

[theLichKing]: Aw hell.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Precisely.

[theLichKing]: Listen, I wasn’t complaining earlier, the temperature is fine…

[An00b'arak]: kiljaeden??

[Killzone'jaeden]: Excuse me, who is this? I’m *Lord* Jaeden to anybody that’s not a Dreadlord.

[An00b'arak]: listen killy there is some phylumism going down in this piece

[Killzone'jaeden]: Killy? Oh you do want to die don’t you.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Also does nobody capitalize anymore?!

[Killzone'jaeden]: I didn’t spend seven aeons feasting on the souls of the righteous just so I could play typing games with the functionally illiterate.

[An00b'arak]: no im serious this is a real issue

[Killzone'jaeden]: *What* is a real issue?

[An00b'arak]: phylum

[An00b'arak]: ism

[Killzone'jaeden]: You best start talking some English

[Killzone'jaeden]: Where the hell is Sargeras?

[theLichKing]: Precisely.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Don’t get cute.

[An00b'arak]: i am being discriminated against on the basis of my spinal condition

[Killzone'jaeden]: What is your spinal condition?

[An00b'arak]: i dont have 1

[Killzone'jaeden]: What?

[An00b'arak]: im an arachnid

[An00b'arak]: >8< spider power

[Killzone'jaeden]: Hey LK I thought you squished all of them already. You spent ten years on these morons and you didn’t even finish the job?

[An00b'arak]: what

[theLichKing]: Yeah I reanimated him. I’m the Lich King, it’s sort of what I do.

[Killzone'jaeden]: So you smashed a bunch of bugs

[Killzone'jaeden]: And then you were like,

[Killzone'jaeden]: “Huh! I sure would like to have those bugs back again!”

[Killzone'jaeden]: Is your brain frozen or what?

[theLichKing]: Ok that’s kind of what I was getting at before.

[Killzone'jaeden]: That you’re an idiot?

[An00b'arak]: ur horrible

[An00b'arak]: ur a phylumist

[Killzone'jaeden]: Oh no, I’m horrible. Why don’t you go and tell all my demon friends how horrible I am. They will be shocked.

[An00b'arak]: phylumist phylumist phulymst phylimist

[An00b'arak]: that gets hard to type after a while though

***User “theLichKing” has kicked user “An00b’arak” from the chat.***

[Kel'Thuz4d]: thank god

***User “An00b’arak” has entered the chat.***

[Kel'Thuz4d]: oh god

[Kel'Thuz4d]: go back to your hole

[theLichKing]: Yeah get out of here

[Killzone'jaeden]: Go back to your hole, spider

[An00b'arak]: p

[An00b'arak]: h

[An00b'arak]: y

[Kel'Thuz4d]: lolwut

[An00b'arak]: l

[An00b'arak]: u

[Killzone'jaeden]: Shut. Up.

[An00b'arak]: m

[Killzone'jaeden]: Dude get rid of this guy.

[An00b'arak]: i

***User “theLichKing” has kicked user “An00b’arak” from the chat.***

***User “An00b’arak” has entered the chat.***

[An00b'arak]: sts

***User “An00b’arak” has left the chat.***

[Killzone'jaeden]: Finally

[Killzone'jaeden]: Where the hell is Sargeras

[theLichKing]: It’s really not necessary, I withdraw my request completely.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: no he wants armor

[theLichKing]: An *armoire.*

[theLichKing]: Of power.

[Killzone'jaeden]: I cannot express how much I hate both of you.

[Killzone'jaeden]: And this is coming from someone whose lungs are made out of solidified hate.

***User “~*`Sylvanas’*~” has entered the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: hey everyone ^_^

[theLichKing]: How did you get in here?!

[theLichKing]: This is a private chat!

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: lol

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: i hacked admin

***User “theLichKing” has kicked user “~*`Sylvanas’*~” from the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: lol lol lol

[Killzone'jaeden]: TIE fighters

[theLichKing]: What?

[Killzone'jaeden]: Nothing. Can’t you kick her out?

[theLichKing]: I just tried

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: admin guys lol

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: ^___^

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: oh plus i can chat under ur names check this out

[theLichKing]: im a little girl and i like ponies lol

[theLichKing]: What! I hate ponies!

[Killzone'jaeden]: ROFLMAO

[Kel'Thuz4d]: she hax0red you dude

[theLichKing]: This isn’t funny!

[theLichKing]: i play with dolls

[theLichKing]: and bake cookies with my mommy

[theLichKing]: Untrue! I deny everything

[Killzone'jaeden]: Hahaha

[theLichKing]: Ok guys this is lame let’s just go to a different chat room

[Killzone'jaeden]: NO!

[Killzone'jaeden]: We’re waiting for Sargeras!

[Killzone'jaeden]: It’s next to impossible to get him into these things anyway

[Killzone'jaeden]: I’m not going to confuse him

[theLichKing]: im a little teapot short and stout

[Killzone'jaeden]: Besides this is hilarious

[Killzone'jaeden]: Sargeras is going to get here and you’ll be singing about teapots…you’ll get pwned

[Killzone'jaeden]: Maybe he’ll buy you a “pwny”

[Killzone'jaeden]: Hahaha see what I did there

[Kel'Thuz4d]: i dont get it

[Kel'Thuz4d]: wait ok but thats dumb

[Killzone'jaeden]: Wordplay. Look it up.

[Killzone'jaeden]: i like to dress up like a girl

[Killzone'jaeden]: Oh now she’s doing it to me too

[Killzone'jaeden]: i like to put on women’s clothes

[Killzone'jaeden]: and pretend im a woman

***User “~*`Sylvanas’*~” has left the chat.***

[Killzone'jaeden]: and look at myself in the mirror all pretty

[Killzone'jaeden]: and call myself the prettiest prettiest princess

[theLichKing]: Umm she’s not here anymore

[theLichKing]: Are you just typing that stuff yourself?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: …

[theLichKing]: …

[Killzone'jaeden]: …

[Killzone'jaeden]: WHERE THE HELL IS SARGERAS

***User “~*`Sylvanas’*~” has entered the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: heeeeeee~

[Kel'Thuz4d]: omg wtf this sux

[Kel'Thuz4d]: i have a dungeon to run

[Kel'Thuz4d]: pcs are going to be like raiding me and shiz

[theLichKing]: Oh please. The expansion is called “Wrath of the Lich King.” It’s got my _name_ in it. You don’t think a few guilds are going to be farming me as soon as I’m a fightable boss?

[theLichKing]: probably not because i suck so much

[theLichKing]: DAMMIT SYLVANAS

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ok and now my cat is 8fwhwe8ufhffweeexvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

[Kel'Thuz4d]: walking on my keyboard

[Kel'Thuz4d]: hold on afk

[theLichKing]: You have a cat?

[theLichKing]: Seriously?

[theLichKing]: You’re a freaking skeleton lord. Why do you have a cat?

[Killzone'jaeden]: Yeah why *do* you have a cat?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: back, had to put the cat out

[Kel'Thuz4d]: and ok

[Kel'Thuz4d]: two things

[Kel'Thuz4d]: first, cats are awesome

[Kel'Thuz4d]: second, RACISM??

[Kel'Thuz4d]: “freaking skeleton lord”

[Killzone'jaeden]: WTF is wrong with you people?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: hey! what do you mean…”you people”

[Killzone'jaeden]: What do YOU mean, “you people”?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: hahahaha

[Killzone'jaeden]: Hahahaha…Tropic Thunder, great movie.

[Killzone'jaeden]: i like to poop

[theLichKing]: …

[Killzone'jaeden]: Ok that one I actually did not say, that was Sylvanas that time

[theLichKing]: …

[Killzone'jaeden]: No seriously this time it was her

[Kel'Thuz4d]: “this time”?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: wait so u really do like to wear womens clothes

[theLichKing]: You are, in fact, the prettiest prettiest princess?

[Killzone'jaeden]: No, of course not

[Kel'Thuz4d]: do u have a panty drawer

[Killzone'jaeden]: No! I wear boxers. With thorns on them.

[Killzone'jaeden]: And skulls.

[theLichKing]: Ok were the skulls on the kneecaps YOUR idea then??

[Killzone'jaeden]: Wait what?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: yeah dont change the subject

***User “SARGERAS” has entered the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: I WILL CONSUME ALL HTE WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[SARGERAS]: I AM INVINICBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: I AM HTE DARK TITAN!!!111111!1!

[Killzone'jaeden]: oh god

[SARGERAS]: I WILL CONSUM ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!1!!!!!!

[theLichKing]: You actually said that already

[Killzone'jaeden]: He spelled it different though.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Dark Lord, there is an issue we need you to resolve

[SARGERAS]: NOTHING CAN DEFET ME BECUASE I AM DEFEAT EVERONE!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: I AM SARGERAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: TEH DARK TIT AN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Killzone'jaeden]: Right

[Killzone'jaeden]: But what we’re going for is

[theLichKing]: Yeah I’m confident he’ll be able to resolve this

[Killzone'jaeden]: The Lich King has this complaint…

[SARGERAS]: I AM DESTORYING ALL WORLDS RIGT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: i wear little pink girly panties

[Kel'Thuz4d]: omg

[SARGERAS]: WHATTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[theLichKing]: hahahahaha

[Kel'Thuz4d]: pwned

[SARGERAS]: I DID NTO SAY THAT!11111111111111111111

[Kel'Thuz4d]: i dunno about you guys but im kinda turned on right now

[theLichKing]: Rule 34

[SARGERAS]: yeah, you like that, there’s more where that came from

[SARGERAS]: *twirls hair seductively*

[SARGERAS]: I DID NOT SYA THAT EITHERR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: I WILL DESTROY ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: !

[Kel'Thuz4d]: *dies laughing*

[Killzone'jaeden]: Ok I’m done

[Killzone'jaeden]: F this

[Killzone'jaeden]: I’m outta here

[Killzone'jaeden]: I hate Azeroth

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: aw dont go

***User “Killzone’jaeden” has left the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: byeee~

[SARGERAS]: I USE SUPER ULTIMATE ATTACK FOR EIGHT MILLION POINS!!!!11

[theLichKing]: Hey I think he spelled all the words right in that one

[Kel'Thuz4d]: missed a t

[theLichKing]: Aw, yeah

[theLichKing]: So close

***User “~*`Sylvanas’*~” has left the chat.***

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ok im out too

[theLichKing]: Ugh fine

[theLichKing]: TTYL

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ttyl

***User “Kel’Thuz4d”? has left the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: GAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

[theLichKing]: This is the worst chat ever.

[theLichKing]: The worst.

[theLichKing]: The worst.

[theLichKing]: Whatevs, titan dude. I’m done.

[theLichKing]: Still freezing my ass off though.

[theLichKing]: *wrath*

***User “theLichKing” has left the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: *looks around*

[SARGERAS]: Chat empty?

[SARGERAS]: …

[SARGERAS]: I have eaten

[SARGERAS]: the plums

[SARGERAS]: that were in

[SARGERAS]: the icebox

[SARGERAS]: and which

[SARGERAS]: you were probably

[SARGERAS]: saving

[SARGERAS]: for breakfast

[SARGERAS]: Forgive me

[SARGERAS]: they were delicious

[SARGERAS]: so sweet

[SARGERAS]: and so cold

[SARGERAS]:

***User “SARGERAS” has left the chat.***

I'm

2009-05-31T06:48:24Z

I'm sorry. I know it doesn't make things better between us. I know my saying it can't change what happened, but I am. I know I have problems, and that my stubborn refusal to even attempt to fix my own issues upsets you. I'm afraid of who I'll be if I stop clinging to my delusions. Not your problem, and not one you should have to deal with.

I'm sorry.

hifistereotype

I wish I'd written this

I'm